Bathroom Dispute Halts Chess Championship

Mergen Bembinov/Associated Press

World Chess Champion Veselin Topalov waited for Classical World Champion Vladimir Kramnik to come for the fifth game of their match in Elista, Russia.

By DYLAN LOEB McCLAIN                                                                                                                                                                    New York Times

The world chess championship came to a halt today when a player who had been locked out of his private bathroom after insinuations that he was cheating refused to play and forfeited the fifth game of the match.

A day after a written protest by the team of Veselin Topalov of Bulgaria about the frequent bathroom breaks of Vladimir Kramnik of Russia, the World Chess Federation, which is organizing the match, locked the private bathrooms for both players and said they must use the same bathroom for the rest of the match.

To continue…

Kidnapping or Kedusha?

So perhaps you’ve heard about the Jewish girl who was taken from herMuslim father’s house in Tulkarm, Palestine to her mother in Ashdod, Israel.

I feel quite torn about this story.

On the one hand — yes, we totally have a Jewish neshama over here which needs to be saved and brought back to Torah and Yiddishkeit. On the other hand, the girl in question is 12. She was probably looking forward to putting on hijab for the first time. She had absolutely NO idea of anything Jewish, she was raised Muslim, in Palestinian schools.

We already know how Palestinian schools talk about Jews.

So now here’s this little girl — who was taken out at gunpoint by religious Jews from her father’s house — now transplanted into a Jewish environment. She presumably has few friends — she lived in Tulkarm her whole life. She, with her notions of Jews given to her by her educational system, is now haunted by the memory of being taken from her father’s house by people she probably refers to as “the Zionists”.

I don’t know what to say to this. I feel sorry for all people involved. The girl’s Muslim father says that the mother made shahada and became Muslim before marrying him. The girl’s mother says that the father had her believing he was a French speaking Jew.

Whatever the case is, now there’s a new resident of Ashdod giggling on the phone to her friends in Nablus (her mother calls it “Shechem”) and Ramallah. If the girl were 4, I wouldn’t be so concerned — she won’t remember when she gets older. But here we have a 12 year old — about to be a teenager — with a whole bunch of memories.

May G-d heal the hearts of all those involved, again check the cross post, and with this post, I would like to give a “shalom aleichem” to all my new friends and readers here at seven-fat-cow.

As R’Nachman said, “There is no escape from this. May G-d help us.”

My problem with Chabad, and Yours (Part 1)

So the Rebbe said, Braishis Boroh Elokim Es Hashomayim V’es Ho’oretz. This is an actual quote.

I am not failedmessiah.com, and happen to despise him. I think David Berger is ridiculous, Avrum Ehrlich to be without any real credentials, and consider myself to be pro-Chabad. In Yeshiva in Ponevich I was thrown out of the dormitory because I had a picture of the Rebbe in my room. This is my disclaimer.

Why do Lubavitchers approach the world and people with this win-or-lose attitude, that is so loaded with amateurish little league cheering? Why is it that everything is always Rebbe this and Rebbe that, and always frowning at a deep Toireh by somebody else. Do they really think that when I am quoting somebody else I am putting them down?

The Sfas Emems writes that the twelve water-walls in the splitting at the sea of reeds, had windows in order the tribes should know that though they walk on their own path, they should see that there are eleven other paths as well.

During my years in Yerushalayim, I remember the Rabbi from the Chabad Yeshiva, a Rabbi Hoofan, If I remember correctly, beautifully expounded upon the Torah Ohr from the weekly portion. He then brought down other Chassidus Sforim. There are quite a few other Chabad rabbis who do this. But then there are the others. And they can get you sick. Besides being completely Judaically ignorant, they are ready to put down anything else. I once heard a lecture from Adin Steinzeltz in which he lambasted Chabad for the same reason. Their educational system is totally parochial to the point of narrowly isolating themselves from all streams of the Orthodox world.

Another disclaimer: most of them are great people who would help you in a second and have proven themselves over and over to hundreds of thousands of Jews throughout the world. Many Charedim, when traveling, are ecstatically shocked to see what Chabad is doing in far-flung places.

Rabbi Marvin Schick had written a piece in the Jerusalem Post, a sort of friendly attack. In the piece. Rabbi Schick’s main point is the permissiveness and Disney-feel-good Judaism which Chabad brings to most Jews. I strongly disagree with Schick about the permissiveness; in fact, that is what I love about Chabad, the extreme tolerance for others which they manage to portray without compromising their principals. But I do agree with Schick’s Disney charge.

-rabbitobenamedlater

oh snap!

/

Images of Tzfat’s katyusha damage, with essay by the meditative fabulous Jay Michaelson.
I had a piece published in Zeek magazine a while back “tree of life,” and it’s a great magazine EVEN beyond that. Check out www.zeek.net

Good 7 Fat Cow Torah From Chabad.Org

The Seven Fat Cows By Yanki Tauber

Fat Cow #1: the economy. Fat Cow #2: freedom and democracy. Fat Cow #3: modern technology (the automobile, electric can openers, the Internet). Fat Cow #4: modern medicine (brain surgery, Prozac, tinted contact lenses). Fat Cow #5: American Jewry (Albert Einstein, Steven Spielberg, Joe Lieberman). Fat Cow #6: the political state of the nation (Jews living in the Jewish homeland under Jewish rule, etc., etc.) Fat Cow #7: the spiritual state of the nation (an abundance of Yeshivahs, synagogues, community centers, Parshah classes, Talmud classes, Kabbalah classes, rabbis, rebbes and gurus as never before). And, behold, seven other cows come up after them out of the River, ugly and lean of flesh; and they stood by the other cows upon the brink of the River (Genesis 41:3). Lean Cow #1: the economy. Lean Cow #2: freedom and democracy. Lean Cow #3: modern technology. Lean Cow #4: health care in this 21st century. Lean Cow #5: American Jewry. Lean Cow #6: the political state of the nation. Lean Cow #7: the spiritual state of the nation.. An important but much-overlooked detail of Pharaoh’s famous dream is the fact that the seven lean cows stood side by side with the seven fat cows on the bank of the river. In other words, all fourteen cows existed simultaneously in Pharaoh’s dream–unlike in reality, in which the seven years of famine came after the seven years of plenty were over. This is why Pharaoh’s wise men, who thought up all kinds of exotic interpretations to his dream (e.g., “seven daughters will be born to you, and seven daughters will die”), did not accept the solution staring them in the face. When are cows fat? When there’s been a plentiful harvest! And when are they lean? When there’s famine. Ditto with the fat and lean ears of corn. What could be more obvious? But Pharaoh saw the fat and lean cows grazing together. You don’t have years of plenty and years of famine at the same time, said the wise men. The dreams must mean something else–something less obvious, more metaphorical. Joseph’s genius was that he understood that Pharaoh’s dreams not only foretold events to come, but also instructed how to deal with them: they were telling Pharaoh to make the seven years of plenty coexist with the seven years of famine. When Joseph proceeded to tell Pharaoh how to prepare for the coming famine, he wasn’t offering unasked-for advice; that advice was part of the dreams’ interpretation. If you store the surplus grain from the plentiful years, Joseph was saying, then the seven fat cows will still be around when the seven lean cows emerge from the river–and the lean cows will have what to eat. The Chassidic masters note that the first galut (“exile”) of the Jewish people came about in a haze of dreams. Joseph’s dreams, the baker and the butler’s dreams and Pharaoh’s dreams brought Joseph, and then his entire family, to Egypt, where they were to suffer exile, enslavement and persecution until their liberation by Moses more than two centuries later. Jacob’s own earlier exile to Charan likewise began and ended with dreams. For galut is a dream: a state of existence rife with muddled metaphors, horrific exaggerations and logical  impossibilities. A state in which fat and lean cows exist simultaneously–in which a cow can even be simultaneously fat and lean. Galut is a place where a thriving economy is both a blessing and a curse, where the rising tide of freedom unleashes the best and the worst in man, where a globe-griding Web conveys wisdom and filth, where we’re saturated in spirituality and spiritually impoverished at the same time. But there’s a way to deal with this cosmic mess. Listen to Joseph speak (even Pharaoh recognizes good advice when he sees it). Don’t run away from the dream, says Joseph, don’t look for some other meaning. Use it. If galut presents you with the paradox of the fat cow and the lean cow grazing together on the brink of the river, use the fat cow to nourish the lean cow. Make the dream the solution

THE MISHKAN OF MONEY, SEX AND “CHUMOZ” (PUSSY RING)

This is 100% Toireh. The Posuk says Vayivoiu Hoanoshim Al Hanoshim (and the men came unto the woman) and that they brought Chumoz which Rashi explains, quoting a Gemoroh, was the golden pussy ring. In Chumish it says that before the men of Israel gave their wives gold to the Mishkan, they had sex. Why? What does sex have to do with bringing the gold? The Toireh is telling us where some of the gold was in fact from a pussy-ring. The jewish men wanted to bring the most desired and important gold for the Mishkan. They had a brilliant idea. They had sex with their wives and undressed them and said to the wife to take off everything that they are wearing. They had sex with them just for that. They had sex with them just for that because the wives had to take everything off to be able to have enjoyment; the moment with her holy husband who desires her. So she takes everything off and she really wants to please… so when all the gold is on the table and she is in holy heaven…he made sure he was pleasing her right… now he could tell her, please don’t put it back on let’s give it to the Mishkan… The wife replied, yes, my dear lover how can I say no after that…

That’s how they build the Mishkan. With love end sex becoming holy of the deepest holy money. Toireh is a Nimshal (analogue) to a women. The Toireh was in the Mishkan so the women has to be in the Mishkan too. In this way everything is just sexy and holy.

The connection to G-d has to come with love for a women. I was at an Orthodox Shul in Israel where during Shmoneh Esrai, the man faces the woman, the Zochor and Nekaivoh, The Man to the Female, the holy Shechinah.

-jachnoun

tweaker rocky

so you thought i was a choir boy lost in the new testament like the kid who doesnt realize that mr rogers’ king and queen are really puppets and that the trolley is a toy? well, ive known the truth about mr rodgers even before my bar mitzva

see, now you’ve made me angry. get your ass on the trolley. choo! choo!  boys and girls! we’re  going to the magical land of my bar mitzva. take off your shoes, put on more comfortable ones. quickly. toss your blazer in the corner and button on your cardigan,  as i relate.

just so you know: this rocky can rant, bitch

like, who the fuck do all of you think you are anyway? morbid miopic suicidal bipolars cuz pot is just an herb. living off allowances in nachlaot late on rent scrounging for roaches under the filthy couch.  seuda shlishit kindergarten trips to gan saker. hugs no hugs cartwheels  sprouts and veggies co-ed zmiros cuz we’re shomer ngia. bitter older virgins on paper sensitive confused homos in denial. sleepover pajama parties loser guys groping unconcious dirty heavy  hairy hippy chicks . wannabe kerouaks and sylvia frigid plaths.  ex lubavitch ex-yeshivish angry unread uneducated undisciplined unemployed undiscovered unpublished undesired undefined unfulfilled unambitious un anything runaway acid freeks rainbow herpes burning man labyrinth moshav adam vachava  breishit legoland uman india kaballa quoting namedropping angry juvenile infantile surpressed repressed passive-aggressive  obssesive compulsive  social-reject kike trolls that you are. oh, i almost forgot. youre spiritual.

by show of hands, is there anyone out there who can honestly say that they live further than ten miles from a kosher deli?  thats because you cant! you arent in-tellectual you’re just in-capable. you run but you cant hide. you still need the emotional support of wherever you came from. i mean, get a life. if it bothers you that much then take a break. get away from the jews for a while. relax. get a degree. get a job. make some money. you might find out you enjoy this thing called responsibility. it works  for nearly everyone else, so why dont you give it a try?  how about finally getting a pet?  how noble it would be to rescue one from a shelter.  see, then you’d be doing something useful for a change. too much responsibility? how about exercise? the endorphins will help you out of depression more than incense blacklights and whatever herbal supplements you were suckered into. and  if you’d be in shape then maybe someone normal might want to date you. so you wouldnt have to grope a sleeping person.  plus, you wouldnt be so lonely to need  sleepover parties to begin with, ok? and come back in a couple of years when youre a little more grown up, with a nice haircut.

or dont.  as if i give a fuck.  just keep trying to find yourself.  but shut up and quit whining! lets face it: someone has to keep the whole carlebach thing going, it might as well be you.  make it an original mission to learn every niggun and master shlomo’s kabbolas shabbes so when people like me are bored we can always dip in and experience the spiritual spiritualism.

but right now,  shove your spirituality aside and close the door. lock it, im gonna suck your dick. no, but try this shit. crystal fucking meth,  we’re tweakers, dude. couldnt someone have  explained it to this guy?

your first time? no worries. im rocky and back to my bar mitzva. choo! choo!

 its all planned, the caterers, flowers, brand new suit ordered from the right place. its ‘92, so we got  a one man band, photographer and a vidoegrapher too. cool. it dont matter that we dont have a vcr to watch it on. paradoxes aside boy, youre coming of age.

 relatives call excitedly. tickets are booked, we’re on our way! one problem. its four weeks before the big day, and i still dont have my pshetel, my rebbe was still putting on the final touches

with less than a month to go,  the plan is  simple. finish learning the parsha with the haftorah. do a daf a day with a chavrusah so i can make a siyum on a mesechta . and memorize a 15 minute pshetel. in yiddish

this is july. my summer vacation was blown to hell.  every morning i would come home from shul, eat breakfast and pace back and forth in the back yard memorizing a paragraph of gibberish. then id get on my bike reviewing it in my head, id stop a few streets away, and pull out the sheets seeing if i had any mistakes. then i continued riding and reviewing until i got to my rebbe’s house. id look at the paper one more time,  reading  the whole thing from the beginning. i would ring the bell, wait for the buzzer to let me in and id repeat the entire thing to myself as i  climbed the stairs to the second floor apartment

then in the dark unairconditioned living room, under a flourescent lamp,  he would test me on my daily progress. then we would read the next day’s assignment, and he would teach me how to pronounce all the strange sounding words. and then id go home, nauseous like a cancer patient after chemo, but i was still forced to repeat the goddam thing one more time for my dad and mom. and of course, the parsha thing, the siyum thing,  then i would try not to think about it until the next say, when the whole cycle would start over again

i remember being grateful that i had a summer vacation with all that free time to dedicate to my bar mitzva. i remember being grateful to my rebbe for taking the time out of his summer vacation to learn with me. and i remember being grateful to my parents for shelling out  the 40 bucks an hour that he charged.

four days before my bar mitzva, i got a head ache. a migraine. the relatives were just arriving, but i literally didnt see anyone for two days. for two days i lay in bed trying to block out all light and sound. i couldnt eat. i felt sicker than i felt in my whole life.  and i had no idea why. finally after two days, i ate a little toast. boruch hashem. i recovered, boruch hashem. i did the siyum, lained the parsha and the haftorah. i havent looked at that parasha ever since. i said the speech by heart. it was an out-of-body experience. over two hundred people were there. i said it perfectly. boruch hashem.  but a bizzarre thing happened: as the words rolled off my tongue they were erased from my memory. as soon as i was done, the whole thing was completely deleted. i cant even remember the starting sentence. nothing

i grew my peyos really long for my relatives. and for the pictures. and for the video. and i thought, that i was set. now my parents would finally be happy with me

as far as the pictures go,  my parents  still have the proofs at home. they never got around to choosing the album.  eventaully we got a vcr. fourteen years have gone by, and i  still wont watch  the video.  maybe when im married, if my wife really wants. and i like her. and she holds my hand. and she gives me a real good massage after.

thats why i want to get married on a friday night. no picures, no video, no annoying klesmer jewish music. a friday night wedding

now get back on the trolley boys and girls. we’re taking another trip into my magical land. choo ! choo! its a few years later and im talking  with an older friend and  the name of that rebbe comes up. he smiles. listen to this, he tells me. one summer i was working in a shop on santa monica and i would notice his station wagon cruising by aften. i was curious, so one time i jump in my car and follow him. i see him cruise until he sees a transvestite prostitute and i watch him pick the he-she up and keep going

this is all a lesson in jewish economics. i think thats really important boys and girls. you see, my dad earns money from jewish clients, to pay the rebbe, to pay the male hooker for a roadside blowjob.  and when i get migraines, my dad buys advil from the  jewish pharmacy who then donates medication to  my rebbe’s wife for her mysterious vaginal infection. this is called economics boys and girls. economics.  now we’re gonna go back home on the trolley. choo! choo!

im coming down right now. i dont feel so good. i bet you dont feel that hot either. but you asked for this. i forgot to warn you, with meth, the comedown’s rough, real rough. so dont do it again. but oh  you will.  and rocky will be waiting for you

rocky on the cross

tonight i was nailed. for being out of line. uncooperative. ahead of my time. jahfilteh christ. hey, only the good die young.

why dont you read gideons bible and experience your own revival. learn from me

 two years ago or so. a buddy calls me, says wanna fly to vegas for a night? i said whats in it for me? a couple of grand. sure, i said, book me a ticket online and ill hop on a plane after work. just make sure im back in early enough for work in the morning

he books me the flight and the hotel room too.  i pay cash right when i check in. very important, because i was going to be in a class action against that very hotel. turns out the hotel was running a scam. a sneaky five dollar surcharge was added to every credit card reservation, unknown to the guest.  great racket: think of all the hundreds of thousands of bookings a year, and you can imagine how much they were pocketing just like that.

my shyster friends get wind of this and were sending poeple to the hotel to innocently check in,  and get charged,  in order to join the pending law suit.

 my instructions were simple: i had to pay cash, get a receipt under my name, and bring it back to the lawyer handling the case. simple as that

probably the original engineer of the scam was a shyster lawyer fired from the hotel who supplied the info to my lawyer buddies in hope of sweet revenge. revenge is when you end up happy, and everyone was supposed to walk away very happy from this one.

 so there i am on a tuesday night in vegas, alone, with 10 hours to kill. i wasnt in the mood of the strip or any of its toiletbowl glamour. i dont gamble and i had absolutely no interest in watching dressed-up rednecks blinkat the flashing neon lights and seniors in wheelchairs pissing their lifesavings away at the slots. so i decided to do the most decent thing at hand: smoke a bowl, watch some, tv pass out, and wake up for my early morning flight

 the hotel was offering this new interactive porn system. i clicked on it,  played around with it, turned it off and went to sleep

four months later i get a call. its the lawyer on the case, he says to me how are you, i say fine, he tells me im working on the case, its taking time, but tell me: do you know of any charges that could have showed up on your buddy’s credit card while you were in vegas? i said no, i didnt even leave the room. and i paid in cash when i checked in. he says good

another week goes by he calls me back, hey does 21.99 ring a bell? its important, i need you to remember. i said 21.99 where? he says,  it showed up as a charge on your buddy’s credit card from the hotel you stayed at, the hotel we are trying to sue. i said 21.99 at a hotel, sounds like a porno film. and then i remembered. i told him, yeah, i definitely watched some porn.

his voice trembling he tells me, well the hotel dug up that charge – it turned up on your buddy’s credit card, and because they have him on file too as one of the other people in the class action, they were able to prove  that the whole thing was a set up. theyre threatening to counter -sue you for fraud. at this point its sounds like he was about to cry. we spent four months and a quarter of a million dollars on lawyer fees on this case already, he tells me.  i said cool, but i really dont think theyre gonna bother to counter- sue me. he says they might and i said well ill worry about it then, and i told him to keep me posted and thats the last i ever heard from him.

i should be in guiness book of world records for the most expensive porno ever watched

i remember as a kid, age nine or so,  walking my little brother home from school. we passed  a house a couple of streets away from where i lived and could see they were i n the middle of a movie shoot. i asked one of the crew guys, what are you filming? he tells me its a movie called debbie does dallas. i said thats sounds so cute! is it for little kids? he said no, its for adults. when i heard that, i lost interest- the crew lookd like a bunch of bums anyway, and  i just walked away. destiny? fate?

what would have been had i still insisted on entering the house? would i have been pleasantly surprised? inspired? would you be downloading bina does bnei braq now?

i heard they make special porn for religious people. apparently the scenes are cropped so you cant see the heads, only the writhing copulating bodies minus the heads. rabbonim  seemed to have found  a heter for that, and prescribe it for couples who no longer get turned on by each other. i find that disturbing.

but i guess its not as disturbing as the idea of forcing yourself, straining yourself, clenching and trying, aphrodisiac creams, powders and pills, cock rings and penis pumps,  hoping to make it happen just this once. help rebbe!!! and help he does. lights out, honey. wheres the remote, im havin’ a  revival!

Hatzlochoh Grocery: Money is the New GOD?

He made money.

Avrohom Ovinu our source for Yichus, our forefather, upon entering Mitzrayim, saw for the first time that that his wife was beautiful. He was so happy. He told her, listen, my holy wife, we could make a lot of money off your beautiful body. I will say that you are my sister end they will give me money. She agreed! You can see the Rashi on this posuk describing this. He was right. He made money; lots of money. That is Judaism.

“Tzadikim Choviv Aleihem Momoynom Yoiser Migufom” (to the righteous, money is more dear for them than life). That’s a Gemoroh!

He made a hell of a lot of money.

Hatzlochoh Grocery? That is just Treyf meat, not an Aiyshes Ish, so what is the problem?

He was in it for the money! You can do whatever the hell you want!

We recite in Yom Kippur “Kulom Mutorim Lochem”, everything is Mutor to do as long that it is “Lochem” for you. If it’s for making holy Jewish money everything is just OK.

Now we understand why when they made the Egel Hazhov (the golden calf) , Israel said, Aile Eloikechoh Yisroel, (these are your gods, Israel). They understood that money is G-d. That’s why Ahron Hakohen said “Chag Lihashem Mochor” – So they’re thinking “It’s a holy day for G-d tomorrow if a Jew could give away money to make a G-d that’s here, now. This is the time of Moshiach! Gevalt!”

The other forefather Yakov Ovinu placed spotted, speckled and striped wooden planks in front of the sheep, in order to increase his offspring while stealing from his Father-In-Law! What is the Heter to steal from your father in law? He made a Heter. Stam. He just took Goyishe Gelt Arain Tzum Kedishe (Goyish money which he can turn into holiness). He just got an early Yerushoh (inheritance). Same as Catch Me If You Can.

-jachnoun

the vilna gaon and the bal shemtov

the vilna goan & bal shemtov.

 if only they had met;

 that would have been very nice.

 the vilna gaon and the bal shemtov

they were so different.

the vilna gaon was a homebody,

a scholar,  a writer. a private person.

conservative. structured.

you could set your watch based on his schedule. consistent. 

he preached diligence and persistance.

 he was practically minded.

 he considered “tikun hamidos” to be man’s primary goal in this life.

the bal shemtov was a traveler,

a working man, an orator. a charismatic person.

 radical. free spirited.

unexpectedly involved in the most unbelievable situations.

prone to spiritual fluctuation described as “moichin”.

 he preached happiness and ecstasy.

he openly displayed mystical powers.

he believed that man’s goal was to discover his personal connection with the divine.

 yet while taking diametrically apposing paths of leadership,

each encompassed the other’s realm of knowledge service and expertise.

 they had to. because a world without either would be disasterous.

each understood and validated the other

the bal shemtov was a scholar. the vilna gaon was a kabbalist. 

but each understood that they had a unique style of delivery

and they shared a common truth: the torah. god. judaism. 

they both had a keen understanding and appreciation  of this triad of holiness.

 and they were both filled with goodness. the desire to help others

they both realised they had a mission to save the jews from the erosion of exile.

they both played a miraculous role in jewish history,

educating , inspiring and guiding

ensuring that an ancient unbroken chain of teachings and traditions

 would survive the ensuing generations.

generations consumed with tragedy, deceit, dispersion,

emancipation, servitude, turmoil,

 acculturization, isolation, corruption,

 confusion, and corpulance.

but in doing so, they developed the greatest trait of true leadership:

 patience.

patience rooted in faith passion and vision.

 they knew that life would stay difficult,

especially for jews

but by implementing their patience

they had the determination and focus

 to strengthen their communities

thus guaranteeing their long-term survival.

but it was the vilna goan who taught  patience  to the bal shemtov

patience is the most outstanding trait of a proper leader.

mendelsohn didnt have it. neither did frank, nor shabtai zvi.

 patience is rooted in true vision passion and faith.

faith that the job will be completed after you’re gone.

moses had it. and so did the forefathers.

but all psuedo-leaders did not.

they wanted moshiach now.

they wanted to be the savior astride the white horse

the bal shemtov was frantic.

times were crazy.

the misnagdim vs the chassidim.

civil war loomed like a dark cloud over the jewish nation.

 the bal shemtov had a plan

he set out to meet the vilna gaon.

the bal shemtov felt it was time to merge.

 time to show the people that they were both valid.

and outstanding.

it was time to bring unity once and for all.

the bal shemtov was correct in his reasoning:

 undoubtebly

the meeting of these two giants would have brought moshiach.

 but the vilna gaon refused to meet the bal shemtov.

as if to say ”no.”  

“no.

we shall not meet.

we cannot meet. 

it is not yet the time.

we must  continue our work

seperately.

we must educate, inspire and guide our communities,

preparing them for the arduous journey that awaits them: 

enlightenment, holocaust, zionism, america…

until the long awaited day.

but we ourselves shall not live to enter the promised land. 

but we will lay the groundwork. “

 and the bal shemtov accepted.

we know this is so, because he let go.

the bal shemtov turned around and went home.

he, too, realised  the time was not ripe.

patience.

and he dedicated the rest of his life to his disciples, 

who would go on to become the future leaders of the chassiddic world.

of course he gave final instructions:

he told his people that before moshiach comes,

a lot of crazy stuff will happen.

to find a leader will be near impossible. 

rebbes will pretty much become extinct.

place your trust in a working man, a simple man, but an erlicher jew.

but know there will always be a tzaddik.

 love your fellow man. and work on your personal connection to the divine

the vilna gaon dedicated the rest of his life to his community too.

 he too gave over final instructions:

he warned of the awesome events preceeding moshiach.

he was well aware that the great guiding light of torah scholarship would be severely dimmed.

 so he left over a wealth of writing to  guide people in those turbulant times.

and he devised a secret system to ensure that one true talmid chochom would always survive,

a recipient of his  teachings

and his message: strive to dedicate as much of your time to study god’s torah.

and work on perfecting your midos

but along their patience was born a dream

that someday

their descendants will finally merge

and  realise

the vilna gaon and the bal shemtov

sang the same song

all along

and each descendant will make it his business

to learn  each and every line and verse

 of  the vast ocean that this song is,

until  the song is complete and intact

 filled with all the love

 and all the pain and

all the tears and the

laughter and sorrow

 and all the hope  and

prayers of every single jew

and in the end,

 all will realize

there was a reason for all of this.

you and i

the chassidim and the misnagdim

the  ashkenazim and the sephardim

orthodox reform and conservative and reconstructionist

all the” lost tribes” 

all  the nations of the world

all the nitztzos gathered  in this awesome golus

will sit in a gigantic circle

a living chain around the world

numerous like the stars in the heaven

and shine like the grains of sand sparkling

in the divine light eminating from

each and every soul,

setting the world ablaze in

a magical warm glow of holiness

and happiness

and everyone will point and sing

may’ais hashem hoysuh zois, hi nifla’os b’aynainu!!!

zeh hayom usuh hashme nogilah v’nismichah vuh!!!

 i sit here in my dark room

illuminated by the computer screen

 i cannot believe im here.

yeah, im at my parent’s home,

the house i grew up in, surrounded by the

familar faces and places of my childhood

 but i am so far from eretz yisroel.

so far from my promised land.

so far from the woman i love.

so far from where i want to settle and call home.

i had hoped i would never have to be

here again, alone.

as good as the weather is,  its still golus

i had hoped my personal redemption could have come sooner.

but this rosh hashana i learned an important lesson:

patience.

He has patience. He sure as hell does. 

the vilna gaon had patience. and so did the bal shemtov.

the woman i love: she is the vilna gaon.

and  i am the bal shemtov.

i knocked on her door.

i felt it was time we connect.

enough loneliness suffering and abuse

it was time to shine

together

she would not let me in.

she said no.

i learned patience

may this be the year

the vilna gaon and bal shemtov

unite.

i love you still

and i await you still.

i learned from my lubavitch friends that we are

the long awaited descendants

the last generations .

moshiach now! moshiach now!

moshiach NOW!

my dear and precious vilna gaon,

i love you for the person that you are,

for the bal shemtov that you are

and every facet of your amazing being

 inspires me beyond comparison

and i promise that the naughty bal shemtov you think i am

will evolve into a vilna gaon you can be proud of.

and learn to love.

and together we may sing

mai’ays hashem hoysu zois, hi nifla’os b’ayneinu

zeh hayom usu hashem nogila v’nishmicha vuh

with all of our own nitzotzos sparkling like diamonds

around us

 in our promised land

??!

??!

So, I had a good friend molested this week. She didn’t take it very well.

And I wasn’t very helpful, apparently, because there’s a few crucial things that I don’t/can’t realize about being a woman.

This idea bothers me, and part of my “crime” is that i’m noticing what bothers me about the situation rather that listening completely to her in her situation. And I want to protest, “but I can’t help it.” And that makes me part of the problem, she holds.

All I want to do is surrender to her reality and be there for and in it, and that feels dishonest in this moment. I recognize that responding is not listening, and that there’s a time and a place, and yet still: Here’s my problem, and part of The Problem, between men and women, even in this enlightened age.

It’s not clear how much the will that is expressed is the true will. It’s the same problem for me with women as it is with G-d. I KNOW that the will that is expressed IS NOT the true will, but an expression of it, the part of it that is coming out in words. I am tempted to prove how good I am by obeying what is expressed, until I learnt that that is not what is wanted. Then my ego feels good from having Aha! outsmarted the machine, the elohim that projects one thing, in the hopes of having a different understood.

This Aha! ego reaction was responsible for a fair amount of date rape, along with other subtler but hurtful and dehumanizing forms of abuse. Men were accustomed culturally to identify “no.” as meaning “keep pushing, so i’ll fear, respect and want you.” Because power is so much wrapped up in the romance game, success and accomplishment in a variety of fields, wounded little boys hoping for love, convinced that they are, we are, unworthy of it unless we prove something, be it through money, music, poetry or power.

The word went out, I recall having heard it everywhere in the culture in the early nineties, “no means no.” You jerk.

The is a confusion in the male world, over what is wanted of us, what can earn us the affection we need so desperately. It’s not often experienced as unconditional except from family, if one is lucky, and the love that depends on nothing at all may not take away the desire for the love that does.

And that inner confusion struggle often blinds us to where women are at, what they are going through, and how theatened they can feel.   And an alarm goes off:  why should women feel that way anymore? aren’t there so many ways of self-empowering in this generation?

So, I feel hurt, and my “friend” who feels victimized, rejects the validity or importance of how I feel in response to her situation. So how much do I feel safe anymore expressing anything to her? Is that how women have felt historically?

My sympathy gets to end when my initial sensation of “huh? that doesn’t sound… so bad.” The sensation that I was so afraid to express to Her for fear of being perceived as hurtful or dismissive is validated by other Women friends. Their dismissals clearly come from self-hating feminity, trying to prove how tough they are to impress and win favor from a male dominated world, of course, and are easily dismisseable, I hear a shrill voice in my head screaming.

And I come to the place where I can only sypathize from a distance, and pray that we have hearts to listen to and love those who we identify as having hurt us enough to try to heal them rather than try to Get ‘em. Modern Zionist Religious Judaism often reviles this attitude as Christian and weak, from a place of trying to impress the enemy into not killing me, and that’s bullshit. It comes from thinking that there really is One g-d, speaking and suffering through everything and everyone, begging for attention, be it violence or sympathy or both. And right now, it’s clear to me that the main sin is reufsing to listen to and try to understand where the other is coming from, because it might make me not angry enough with the wrong that they do that i’ll just let it go.

Lord, give us bodies and hearts to be strong enough, and know that We Are Strong enough to feel for our enemies, invulnerable and sensitive like superman, eager to genuinely help those trying to rape me for attention.

I feel like alot of the strangest worst feeling that “victimized” people try the most to repress, the feminine amongst us especially, is the real feeling of love and pity for their attackers. Such care make one vulnerable, and makes one fear vulerability later, for fear of allowing, encouraging the Bad Thing that happened.

Rape law in the Bible is really scary, in that it tries so much to be open to the possibility that the woman being raped is there consentually if she doesn’t scream loud enough. And if he pays her father to marry her, then it’s ok? What The Fuck? No wonder we’re so angry now. How did that rule arise from the divine voice?
Were the guys just so rowdy and unitedly and unapologetically violent that that was the best god could do to rein them in?

Nonetheless, just to be clear: maybe being molested by someone who yesterday was your friend while drunk and IN HIS BED isn’t as bad as being violently raped? Maybe it’s more pathetic than contemptible, seeing as there was no penetration, or violence, or any forcing that couldn’t have been walked, rolled, or pushed away from very easily? I have no right to tell someone who has been through all kinds of bad shit that, do I? Because I really want to.

—yo

Who’s Law?

The question recurring with Dena Dimalchuso is how far goes. How much authority does The Law of the Land really have to control Jewish Law?

And the real answer is unclear to me, but the truth is as much as you let it. That is, we as The Communities of Israel have the right to accept secular moral insightLaw, with all it’s nuances and revelations, and it’s sensitivities are to be learned and understood, deeply incorporated deep into our souls as much as blows our minds.

For example, who are you?

New York State Law declares that you who are whoever you call yourself, that is, your name if you just decide to change it, you can just start calling yourself someone, and that’s your name. There’s a formal ritual for changing ones name, but it’s totally unnesesary, as far as NY state law!

This also applies to religious denomination.

Whatever one chooses to identify hirself as is who they are. whatever list they check when the census comes it. That’s all it takes to change ones religion, according to ny state law, as far as I know.

So does that mean that the law is such? Are forbidden marriages only forbidden be cause of the host culture? That wouldn’t explain Biblical morality, but that is to say, we are strongly affected by the people around us, however we define our cultural membranes. But does anyone out there in blogger land have any idea, how much has local gentile culture been allowed to affect the growth and development of Our Law and how it works?

I ask/say this in the context of emerging morality: lets say that the world decides that something that was permitted for a long time no longer will be, like polygamy once, and lets say “war” now. Lets say that the nations of the world came together and made war illegal: would it be assur for us too?

That’s what happened with R’ Gershom, no? The gentiles grew a certain taboo, decided something was less civilized or less right, and so it was.

There’s a conceit about the harmonious perfection of halacha to guide one to and through the best good, and to be trust worthy more than flaky Gentile law, which would not compromise certain nations right to do what they love doing, or live for, right? What we received on Har Sinai was something perfect? Or were our demands just lovingly accepted, and called perfect for all generations?

What is the part of Halacha that is the center, unchanging, unique and reliable? Re: what is the Law of The Land an arbiter of What G-d Wants Us to Believe?

I ask in terms of moral development. Let’s say that the greatest innovations in secular law from the last couple hundred years have to do with equality; between one religion and another, between men and women, blacks and whites… L’ Maisay it’s not true, equality was never established in the world, and the remora of unjust law hovers around the entire system of “Justice” like flies around a carcas, but is that because of the laws themselves? The system that rewards Effort at the expense of True Need is bound to give priviledge to those who demand more and neglect those who don’t… To the degree that a better way has not been established as reliable to a populace is the degree that A Better Law is not The Law.

Really, according to G-d there’s only one law, one reward, and one punishment. According to what you do, is what will be done unto you. Everything else is just clarification and structure, language and a standard for how to get Our People together, what to feel safe expecting, demanding together from our reality.

The World’s Law is all about creating a general ideal for the sake of training a population to be sensitive, but the most visible difference between a Human and a Machine is the willingness to tolerate flexibilty in law enforcement as it becomes clear that a law is meant not for this situation.

For example: last Shabbos, I came to visit someone in an apartment building with an auto locked front door.
I had never been to this house or these people before, sent over from someone else’s house, told to come up to the eighth floor and listen for people singing. Criminal mastermind that i am, I arrived, looking for a way to get past the two buzzer locked doors. Is deception nessesary here, or even effective? There was someone downstairs, loitering in front. Does he live here? How can I explain what i’m trying to do?

It’s shabbos, so I dare not actually ask him or anyone to let me in, I dare not really even need to get in too desperately… I slipped past the first locked layer as someone left the building, ideal according to my law, a maximum of Just Being and Slipping Without Needing, but behold! A second locked door!

An old lady comes in through the door, along with a young asian dude. They see me standing there, and before they have a chance to react suspiciously, I start off with as much honesty as I can muster.

“Hi! I’m a religious Jew, and I have some friends living upstairs, doing a whole ritual party!”

Quickly, old lady states the law, covering herself, and creating a safe boundary.

You’ll have to have them buzz you in. We have a rule.

I smile. “No, I can’t buzz, and they won’t answer. For that matter, I don’t even know what the apartment # is, just that it’s 8, uh, B.”

There’s no eight B in this building! I’ve lived here for forty year, and there’s never been an 8B!

(and it was true. The apartments were numbered 1-28. Where did I get 8B from?)

Rationally, ruleistically, that should have been the end.

I said to Asian dude, c’mon, if you want, escort me upstairs, and we’ll see if we hear the party.

And he took responsibilty for me, and we went up, and the sounds of Yidden singing acheinu was audible from the elevator. He smiled and waved me off.

Happy new year, but how far does it go? ha hahahahahahahahahahaa. We can forgive anything as long as we don’t see the damage that it’s still doing– and alot of sins aren’t really doing any damage, so we can let them go…

…or, it’s damge we’re happy to receive, seeing how we once did the same thing, and really want to just pay it off at last. L’chaim, to happy lives either way.

AHAROINI SPANKIN-NEW BUSES ROLL THROUGH WILLIAMSBRUG

So they split into two. R. Aharon, the older brother, got Monroe, and Rabbi Zalman, Williamsburg.

So it’s an even split, 50 – 50.

R. Zalman is trying to establish himself in Monroe, but it’s still a little shvach. R. Aharon loyalists just finished a 15 million dollar School in just 2 months!

20 brand new school buses are rolling around the streets of Williamsburg, picking up over 3000 kids (according to the Aharoinim), but R. Zalman still has more in his Williamsburg Moisdos (institutions).

R. Aharon’s Chasidim built a new huge Shul after he’d been kicked out of the original landmark Satmar Shul on Rodney Street, where R. Zalman officially took over his father’s chair.

The question is, if this spanking new shul, which has been build without a foundation, will be ready for Roish Hashuna.

The quarrel now is, who is legally permitted to use the name “Satmar”. Since the Aharoinim lost the ownership of all the Satmar buildings in Williamsburg in New York State Court, their use of the name Satmar on the new Bais Medresh is questionable.

Instead of the Satmare accepting the verdict, they are re-igniting the bloody, ugly war, a war that seems to have nothing to do with G-d Toireh and Yiddishkeit, but has everything to do with money, power, corruption and greed.

-yoily

love story

He was the shepherd of a rich man nicknamed Kalba Savua because anyone who entered his house hungry like a dog (kalba) went out satiated (savua) (a reference to his hospitality toward guests). Kalba Savua’s daughter, whose name was Rachel, noticed his modesty and good nature. She saw that he had a great mind, and that if he would put his mind to The Almighty’s Divine Torah, he would flourish into a great teacher in Israel. She spoke with Akiva about G-d and the role of the Jewish people, and it sparked his interest. One day Akiva came to Rachel by a river, and asked her why the Jewish people, if they were G-d’s Chosen people, had to suffer so much. She replied,

“The greater, the higher a man’s task is, the more he must endure, the more he must fight and suffer. An ordinary simple man who doesn’t bother about anything usually lives a quiet an undisturbed life. The man who wants to do something, who is concerned with the general welfare has troubles and worries. When G-d elevated Israel and chose us from all the nations, He placed us in the midst of every conflict. Wherever something great is being fought for, Israel must be there. Few peoples rise above the others, to put their foot on the neck of the nations. The various generations come up, grow, flourish and disappear. Israel must play its part in all of them. Of course, that involves suffering and sorrow. Sometimes we are hurled down to earth, and the ploughs are drawn across our backs and we are marked by long furrows. But G-d has always raised us up again. He has never punished us as He has punished those who torment us. He has never doomed us to die like those nations who oppress us. If we must suffer more than other peoples, G-d has also given us the strength to bear our troubles; to endure.”

Rachel’s words moved Akiva, and he told her that he could only dedicate himself to Torah if he had a wife like her by his side. She said that she would accept his “wooing” if he would devote himself to the study of G-d’s law. He said he would, and they married.

BUTCHER FINKEL DEAD?

משה פינקל טויט?

אזוי שטייט אין חדשות אנ”ש אין בחדרי חרדים. ווער קען קאנפירמען

.
This from Hydepark.co.il, and I translate: Moshe Finkel Dead? That is what has been written in the ANaS”H News section in the chat room “Chadrei Chardeim” (Charedi Rooms). Can anybody confirm this?.

This is unsubtantiated, and mainstream media has not of yet reported. I am just quoting a Charedi forum.

-yoily