day of broken dreams
September 19, 2006
dear lord
i am dreading rosh hashana
i have no interest in going to shul or
dipping the apple in the honey or
eating the simonim hors d’oeuvres
or in any of it
sadly
i wish i could run away
or wake up on tzom gedalia knowing
the new year has safely passed me by
im a grinch
dear lord
save me from the knowing glances of
well meaning congregants as they wish me a
ksiva vchasima tova and
pat me on my shoulder saying
this’s gonna be the year buddy
hell, every year its the same a
two day sugar high
resolutions reflections and anticipation that
this will be the year and then
utter disappointment
mind numbing disappointment
so numbing i usually forget
the pain
but at this very moment
i can feel the most intimate dream and
dear lord
i would walk five hundred miles and
crown you king five hundred times
each day
just not to endure this
highholyday humilation
one more time
dear lord
please make this
the year
i am sick of the saltwater
it wont quench my thirst
dear lord
show me the way to
the sweetest spring
inscribe me please
in brilliant happy colors
in the book of life and
in the book of love.
shana tovah! from
rocky raccoon
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1.
kuleh | September 20, 2006 at 1:46 am
‘two day sugar high’
there is no sugar involved. if you want you may call it a honey high,
if you do happen to be using sugar on Rosh Hashana
then you will have to do Tshu’va next year Rosh Hashana.
2.
Yoseph Leib | September 20, 2006 at 6:26 am
I got in the habit last rosh hashana of making up my own kiddushes. I resolved to stop being religious in the hope of being brought to a truer god than ever, and I’m not sure if I succeeded, i do know how crucial it is to be honest with g-d about yourself and what you want your life to be, in this time more than any other. and so.
3.
rockyraccoon | September 20, 2006 at 8:25 am
well,derech eretz kodma ltorah, so you can have a rosh hashana that embraces derech eretz and it gives you a whole year to take in all the rest at your won pace
i mean derech eretz kodma ltorah is in a sense an oxymoron statement.
if the torah is so great how can anything precede it?
but thats the way it is, and its not a paradox, because its all about adjusting spirtual tools for youre personal needs. so its up to each person who feels threatened by torah judaism to investigate the core of their derech eretz weltanshauung to see if their are any anomalies effecting his or her connection to yidishkeit
i think that your rosh hashana is very honest. and highly personal. so dont fall inthe trap of trying to label it.
each person comes into this world to find their own truth, i think
“The primary cause of disorder in ourselves
is the seeking of ‘reality’ promised by another.”
-Krishnamurti
but although you might find these words as free-ing as that woman on the moshav and her aloe plant,
someone else might have an anxiety attack. someone who wants to have a rosh hashana like everyone else
ever read eric hoffer’s true believer?
i used to love siddartha. until i stopped loving it. that was after i got a little older, a little wiser, and read up more on herman hesse
but one part of the store really irked me:
siddartha waits by his father’s door. and he waits and he waits and he waits, until finally his dad says, feel free to do as you wish. go on and roam with the brahmans if you wish. and with that freedom in hand, sadartha goes out on a spiritul quest
who the hell was hesse writing for?
does avraham avinu get the green light from his dad?
did you or i, for that matter?
if its gonna be a real search, then you are going to have to defy your dad. maybe defiance is a reaction, it has to be neutral. not him but not gainst him. balance .peace. inner peace(but if we had that we wouldnt need to search in the first place-hah!) it has to be you. not him. in the end you might wind up agreeing with your dad. but it will be you.
so wherever this new year brings you, drop me a postcard from time to time, ok?
4.
rockyraccoon | September 20, 2006 at 8:44 am
another thing i noticed: you wrote something lately to the effect of” too much is too much”. referring to reefer. thats a big lesson to learn. because reefer is a multifaceted experience and traps multifaceted people in a way similar to chinese finger-lock: the more you try the harder it is to escape- ie. the more you try to understand it -the more youre going to do it the harder it is to stop it the harder it is to understand it, and so on and so forth. and i mean this seriously. the hardest thing to achieve sometimes is simplicity, and you finally did: this plant is amazing, but i realize it makes me tired. dont worry about taking your own path. human beings have evolved, through trial-and-error, to learn from their own mistakes.
and from the mistakes of others.
thats important too.
the sanzer rav said, this life is comparable to a dark forest. and we are all lost in that forest. no one knows the way out yet. but we can learn the way out from other people equally as lost. how? because we listen when they tell us dont go there, thats not the way out. and slowly we learn what isnt and what isnt until we know
what is.
my friend r’alexander says:
the most important thing about cooking is knowing what not to put in. when lacking a few good ingredients the dish might be uninteresting, but edible. one bad ingredient has the power to ruin everything
in life you must first know what not to put in
this is his only formulized teaching, so i keep it close to heart
5.
rockyraccoon | September 20, 2006 at 9:15 am
“You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you’re confusing courage with wisdom.”
—wizard of oz
6.
rockyraccoon | September 20, 2006 at 5:57 pm
god wants you to be
free. to feel
free.
like Him.
only a free man can appreciate
his holy word.
we left egypt before revelation.
revelation is awesome.
and you know what?
after the glory of revelation,
still you are
free.
but freedom is tricky
janis was skeptical about it too.
because as long as there’s something left of life within you,
as long as you still believe in your soul’s divine purpose,
your function in this life,
you are never free
but feel free to let that be.
7.
rockyraccoon | September 21, 2006 at 4:29 pm
love your neighbor as you love yourself
search ceasingly, and be rewarded a profound glimpse of your friend’s heart
follow the same process regarding your own self
examine your self with the expectation to realize the weaknesses but also know that true greatness is an inevitable reality in all of us
find all the diamonds and love them all equally