Yeshiva Bochur Gets Heter to be Porn Star

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK – TheKnish.com

Shimmy Goldblatt has a megawatt smile, killer dimples, incredible looks, a rock hard body with six-pack abs and an anatomical feature that has caused his friends to joke that the mohel didn’t take off enough.

Goldblatt knew at a young age that his aspirations were quite different than those of his friends. His fellow kindergarteners were mostly whiling the time away playing with firetrucks and dreaming of unfurling their hoses into burning places. Goldblatt would fantasize about accomplishing greater things. He wasn’t entirely sure what his future would be, but he would certainly use his gift for things other than mere peeing contests.

Puberty brought with it the realization of his aspirations, and Goldblatt spent his Beis Medrash years at the side of the Maikeldigeh Rav, carefully poring over biblical and talmudic texts in search of loopholes that would allow Goldblatt to attain his dreams. The process was exhausting, but Goldblatt had good recovery time and was always ready for more after a smoke and a hot shower.

Today, Goldblatt is the hottest, and only, frum porn star on record. His years of careful study proved to be the money shot which allowed him to pursue his career.

Concerning yichud, the cast and crew present during filming alleviate that concern. Nevertheless, the studio door is left open a wee bit to satisfy any chumras that may exist.

Concerning seeing a woman with her hair uncovered, most of Goldblatt’s costars are single and if they’re not they’re usually adorned with hair extenstions, which qualifies as a sheitel. The Maikeldigeh Rav is always present to inspect for any traces of Indian hair.

Concerning spilling his semen in vain, he doesn’t. Ever. By mandate of the JAPS (Jewish American Porn Stars) organization, all actors must wear condoms. This allows him to fake it and avoid trangression.

Concerning shomer negiah, Goldblatt has endured several intense meditations and numerous desensitization techniques to allow himself to reach a point where he is able to perform his job bli derech chiba.

Being frum has surprising conveniences in this field. For example, music is looped in during post-production, so filming during sfira or the three weeks isn’t a problem. Also, Holy Sheet!’s don’t need to be purchased, as Goldblatt’s tzitzis can serve in place if his costar is interested in using them.

Goldblatt’s success has caused several members of his group of friends to become interested in his field. Soon, Goldblatt may face some stiff competition. (Ann Onimous)

© 2005 TheKnish.com. All rights reserved. This material may be published, broadcast or redistributed as long as all the content remain intact, including this paragraph.

reader mail; visomachto asks,

How do I join fat cow? I Would have preferred chazer shmaltz – but considering the amusement and delicious dishes – I will eat kosher if it’s served on sevenfatcow.

- Visomachto via Email

Sleeper Cell. Watch This -Muhammed

And Now For Even More Israeli Nazis…

I just keep getting more and more pissed off at the sad, sad job the Israeli Knesset is doing with its citizenship laws.

Forget the fact that converts’ exclusion is still an actual thought.

As if the 500 anti-Semitic incidents occurring in Israel per year weren’t enough (an average of one every 18 hours, and that was 2001, not even counting the increase in 2003), now we see the advent of Nazi organizations and websites?

Just freakin’ metzuyan. To expand on what my illustrious co-author said below, the “bad skins’” existence in Israel shows that the Israeli government is either failing people or being failed itself.

If we don’t ask the questions, we don’t get the answers, and the bigotry increases.

typical chabad bullshit fucking story

Basically the Shaliach was hoarding the Sefer Torahs in terrible conditions. And the government archivists took the scrolls to store them in proper fashion.

But they turn it into a media circus with screams of anti-Semitism. And look how they manipulate the kid in the picture to cry ala some fucking pogrom a hundred years ago.

Bullshit. Bullshit. Fucking Bullshit

from crownheightsinfo

i guess today is anarchist rabbi day

One of the biggest anti semitc blogs on the internet Ivory Power asks

Anarchist Rabbi?
Posted by Josh @ 2:40 am
I don’t know if this guy’s a joke or serious

“I’ve fought in Afghanistan and Iraq, modeled for gay porn, been arrested on Critical Mass, and done a shitload of other stuff as well.”

to read more of the anarchist rabbi please, o pretty please, click here

for sholom

We’re not Nazis, we’re punk-anarchists

By Moti Katz

The teenagers in Petah Tikva’s Gan Yehonatan club stress that they are not Nazis.“We’re punks!” they say.”People think all new immigrants are anti-Semites. That’s not true at all,” one of the teenagers says, referring to anti-Semitic incidents in town, like last year’s desecration of a large synagogue.

“We don’t like the ultra-Orthodox but we wouldn’t paint swastikas on synagogues either,” he says.Some 150 young immigrants from the former Soviet Union frequent the Gan Yehonatan club in the afternoons. The purpose of the club is to keep the youths from drinking and hanging out in parks.The boys admit uncomfortably that they are familiar with the Nazi-Russian youth in Petah Tikva. “There are groups of neo-Nazis – not here at the club, though. They exist in every town in the country,” says one youth. Some of the youths regard Israelis with anger and distrust. They are a close-knit group, but complain that Israelis treat them with contempt and see them as stereotypes. Most of all, they say they don’t belong. The reports of vandalism and attacks on ultra-Orthodox residents have intensified this feeling. When asked what they know of Nazi and anti-Semitic groups, they act embarrassed. Gradually, however, they open up and talk about the “Nazi skinheads” and terror they impose on other groups. ‘Good’ and ‘bad’ skinheads “You must distinguish between two groups of skinheads,” one says. “There are good skinheads and Nazi skinheads, called boneheads.” (Nazi skinheads are often called boneheads by traditionalist skinheads and Skinheads Against Racial Prejudice.) “The boneheads shave their heads and wear white suspenders with jeans or military trousers, sometimes with a white collar,” one boy says. Most of them are over 18 years old, some even serve in the military, and they advocate typical Nazi ideology, based on hatred of Jews and Israelis, he says. “A few months ago, the boneheads held a ceremony to mark Hitler’s birthday in one of the cemeteries,” a boy says. Irena, 18, from the central region, has spent some time with the Nazi boneheads. “I was a skingirl – that’s what you call the Nazi skinheads’ girls,” she says. Irena’s boyfriend was the group leader, dubbed the “Fuhrer.” “We were a bunch of immigrant Russian boys and girls, and we had a certain dress code. The boys usually shaved their heads and wore military pants. “On weekends we’d meet in parks, where we’d drink and smoke and listen to Nazi music. Nazi music isn’t Rammstein [a German band that incorporates elements of metal/hard rock, industrial metal and electronic music],” she says with a smile. Some evenings fights would break out between her group and others who met in the parks. Irena’s boyfriend, the Fuhrer, was involved in fighting among the groups. One group at odds with the Nazi skinheads is the “good” Nazi skinheads, as the youngsters call them. The good skinheads are not Nazis or Jew haters – “they are radical right wing Islamophobes who believe in the working class,” a youth says. There are many shaven heads among the good skinheads, who wear jeans, sometimes bleach-stained, red suspenders and red laces on their military boots. One boy says that he was beaten up once by the Nazi skinheads for wearing red suspenders. “The red symbolizes Communism to them, and the Communists defeated the Nazis,” he says. Most of the youths in Gan Yehonatan categorize themselves as punk-anarchists. “We, the punks, usually wear tight black trousers and various Mohawk hair styles,” he says. “We also have metalists, who listen to heavy metal music, wear lots of earrings and rivets, army boots and are into piercing.” Some of them are convinced that the boneheads desecrated the big synagogue and tried to frame the punks. After school, in the afternoons, the Gan Yehonatan group walks along the gravel path leading to the club in Petah Tikva. Several girls, some dressed in black, greet each other politely. Boys with thuggish expressions chain smoke and converse among themselves in Russian, dotted with Hebrew phrases. The club provides the teenagers with activities to help them deal with their difficulties in creative ways. At least seven punk and rock bands have come out of the club, as well as a breakdance group. The club also has a music room, a carpentry workshop and a basketball court.

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/830938.html

-shitalphin

most americans are like, they should have killed the bastard

Cheney Unhurt After Bombing in Afghanistan
By Abdul Waheed Wafa

A suicide bomber blew himself up outside the U.S. base at Bagram while Vice President Dick Cheney was inside. The Taliban claimed responsibility and said Mr. Cheney was the target of the attack.

-nytimes

rabbi levi okunov’s magical mystery design

 

-NYTimes

You could imagine Sally Kirkland running him over in the skyway’s
H.O.V. lane with her loopy butterfly getup — she called it “a rabbi
and a reverend” — that she claimed was made by her cabala teacher.

 « Live Academy Awards Blog Joan & Melissa Live at the Academy

7:05: Sally Kirkland reveals that a rabbi designed her… I’m not even
calling that a dress. It’s not. I’m sorry, I’m frightened. Proops
calls it a “maelstrom.” That’s so nice of you, Greg. I call it a
tornado.

-Tulsaworld.com

 Finally, who’s Sally Kirkland? And why did a rabbi dress her — did I
 hear that right? And, most importantly, why was she flailing around in
 her shawl of many colors like Stevie Nicks in a scarf shop?

Now in the world’s biggest gossip site perezhilton.com Please go there and comment…

SHACHAR’S JERUSALEM CHASTITY SHOP

FOR MEN AND WOMEN. ENTER WITHOUT RISK, SINCE I WEAR A CHASTITY BELT AT ALL TIMES!

pictures from here, here and here

purim. sheep. slaughter. happy. yeshiva.

-the yeshiva world

From the Va’ad Ha’Tznius D’Pakistan

Female Pakistani minister shot dead for ‘breaking Islamic dress code’

(Rahat Dar/EPA)

Devika Bhat, and Zahid Hussain in Islamabad

A Pakistani minister and woman’s activist has been shot dead by an Islamic extremist for refusing to wear the veil.

Zilla Huma Usman, the minister for social welfare in Punjab province and an ally of President Pervez Musharraf, was killed as she was about to deliver a speech to dozens of party activists, by a “fanatic”, who believed that she was dressed inappropriately and that women should not be involved in politics, officials said.

Mrs Usman, 35, was wearing the shalwar kameez worn by many professional women in Pakistan, but did not cover her head.

The attack happened in Gujranwala, 120 miles southeast of Islamabad, where the minister’s office is based. As Ms Usman, 35, stepped out of her car – where she was greeted by her co-workers throwing rose petals – the attacker pulled out a pistol and fired a single shot at close range, hitting her in the head. She was airlifted to hospital in the provincial capital Lahore, but died soon afterwards.

The gunman, Mohammad Sarwar, was overpowered by the minister’s driver and arrested by police. A stone mason in his mid 40s, he is not thought to belong to any radical group but is known for his fanaticism. He was previously held in 2002 in connection with the killing and mutilation of four prostitutes, but was never convicted due to lack of evidence.

Mr Sarwar appeared relaxed and calm when he told a television channel that he had carried out God’s order to kill women who sinned. “I have no regrets. I just obeyed Allah’s commandment,” he said, adding that Islam did not allow women to hold positions of leadership. “I will kill all those women who do not follow the right path, if I am freed again,” he said.

“He is basically a fanatic,” Raja Basharat, the Punjab Law Minister, said. “He is against the involvement of women in politics and government affairs.” A police statement added: “He considers it contrary to the teachings of Allah for a woman to become a minister or a ruler. That’s why he committed this action.”

“He killed her because she was not observing the Islamic code of dress. She was also campaigning for emancipation of women,” said Nazir Ahmad, a local officer.

from the timesonline.uk

mohammed

jewish preschool teacher on jerusalem vagina

Really, this is a disgusting torah, disturbing on so many levels. A vagina, excuse my french, is not a fucking commodity (pun intended). Throughout history, the patriarchal system has sought to control female sexualty and her offspring, controling her vagina and ignoring her humanity. How dare you say that a vagina is a male commodity; whereas this may have been historically true in oppresive, patriarchal times, it is a shandah, a chilul hashem to say it now. You think you know what it means to be a woman because men in prison are raped? Personally, as a woman, I live in fear of rape. Women in contemporary times live in fear of being voilated by a dominant male culture that may not nessisarily care that they are being terrorized. Tell me you understand the rampant rape that happened in Bosnia by soldiers trying to erradicate the enemy race by raping and impregnating their women? You have no idea what is it like- moreover, where is your statistical research that proves that male rape happens more often than female rape? Check out http://www.paralumun.com/issuesrapestats.htm where they state, “Somewhere in America, a woman is raped every 2 minutes, according to the U.S. Department of Justice.” Seriously, to declare that rape, sexual assalt, and domestic violence aren’t a big deal anymore, that’s just ignorant.
Lastly, equating women with evil- that is medieval and just plain…sexist.
If you have a girl friend, do you even care about her pussy, let alone the rest of her body, the way she is feeling right now, her soul? I bet you don’t. I bet you are too wraped up in your bullshit to notice when a woman is suffering, how she is feeling, or what she needs. You need to do some serious soul serching buddy, get in touch with your shechina side.
~Jewish Preschool Teacher
Comment by ladygrey

up in smoke, that’s where i, would rather be

Gal pals Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore enjoy some “herbal cigarettes” while on vacation together in Hawaii.

Smoke up!

-perezhilton

moshe and the 5 sets of false teeth

Moshe has been living in Poland all his life, but just before the 2nd
World War, he sees big trouble coming. So he sells all his assets,
converts them into gold and then melts down the gold to have five sets
of false teeth made for him. He flees Poland and after much
travelling, arrives at Ellis Island, New York, where he is
interrogated by an immigration official who also goes through the
contents of his battered suitcase.

When the official sees the 5 sets of false teeth, he asks Moshe why he
has so many. Moshe replies, “As you might know, we orthodox Jews have
two separate sets of dishes, one for meat and one for dairy products.
However, I’m so kosher and religious that I also need to have separate
sets of teeth.”

The official is confused. “Well that accounts for two sets of teeth.
What are the other three for?”

“Well,” Moshe replies, “we ultra-Orthodox Jews also use separate
dishes for Passover and I’m so observant that I need two sets of
Passover teeth to go with the dishes, one for meat and one for dairy
food.”

The official is still confused. “You’ve convinced me that you’re a
highly religious man and I accept that you therefore need four sets of
teeth. But what about the fifth set?”

“Well, to tell you the truth, mister official,” replies Moshe, “every
once in a while I like to eat a ham and cheese sandwich.”

-Maskil via Email