COWS MOURN YISROEL SEGAL ZATZA”L

Yisroel Segal – the brother of the Mashgiach Rav Don Segal Shlita was Niftar on the first day of Sukkos at the age of 68. Yisroel Segal was a journalist in the Israeli media for many years, and was well known throughout Eretz Yisroel as being extremely anti-Frum. He used every opportunity to attack Frum people – both, in the media and in books which he authored. Until the age of 20 he had learned in Ponavez Yeshiva. After learning of the passing of his brother, the Mashgiach Shlita went to Maran Hagoen Rav Eliyashiv Shlita – who Paskened that no Shiva should be observed since he was a “Shana Upirush”. “לא לשבת שבעה על אחיך שנפטר ישראל עקב היות שנה ופירש”

Reb Nachman – Schneersohn Shidduch

[8] Rebbetzin Freida SCHNEURI (b. Leozna, Poland) married to Rabbi Eliyahu ben Rabbi Mordechai KLUTZKAR

• • Boruch married the daughter of Binyomin KLETZKER.
  • • Aharon ZASLAVSKI from Kremenchug. He married Chayeh daughter of Rebbe Nachman.
  • daughter married Yankel BARON. Yankel BARON took on the BARON surname in honor of Rebbe Nachman (BARON being a synonym from BRAN, bar Rebbe Nachman).
  • Avram BARON married Slova
  • Herman BARRON married Ida Ethel MOSOFICH
    • Jenny BARRON married PERLMAN. Contact: great-grandson Josh BROWN

     from the Alter Rebbe Family Tree  (scroll down 80% of page)
    

-hat tip to shmutzi

men est chazer yetz

Jewish Elders Lift 6,000-Year Ham Ban

JERUSALEM—Ending a strict, six-millennia prohibition of the consumption of cloven-hoofed beasts, the World Rabbinical Council announced Tuesday that Jews worldwide may “dig in to the delicious taste of ham.”

“The Jewish people have always had the utmost reverence for the laws of God, as handed down from Abraham to his son Isaac, to his son Jacob. However, from time to time, it is necessary to make slight revisions and modernizations to these laws,” said council president Rabbi Menachem Saperstein, sucking on a hambone, his white beard soaked with succulent ham drippings. “As no less a Talmudic scholar than Moses Maimonides once wrote, ‘Change is the way of the Lord.’”

Added Saperstein, “Mmm… this is some tasty ham.”

According to Rabbi David Feinberg, head of the American Congress of Orthodox Rabbis, the newly approved ham will be incorporated into a number of Jewish customs.

to continue go to the onion “the only paper more trustworthy than the NYT”.

– nisht dere

IT’S RAINING YANKEE TEARS

(Boston Globe Staff Photo / Jim Davis)

Toiras Chipas Emmess

From HSD:

This drasha from Rabbi Pinky Shmekelstein is so brilliant I had to share it with everyone.

On this holiday, the yuntif of Sukkois, we wave fresh fruit at the
sky for seven days, and eat in an open air beehive. We cap it off by
dancing cheek to cheek with a bunch of bearded men. (I have a date
with a talmid named Yerachmiel; I hope I get lucky!)

According to Chazzal, Sukkois is the time when Moshiach will come.

And according to Reb Hai Goyn, it is the holiday when you are
supposed to separate yourself from the secular world. He cites as
proof the fact that you are forced to take off so many work days
right before end of year reviews, you might as well start polishing
up your resume.

The RI holds that Sukkois is actually a celebration of homosexuality.
When Klal Yisroel were preparing for the long winter, planting in the
fields by day and sleeping in huts at night, at the end of a long day
they would sit down bichavrusa (in pairs) and study a little Talmud.
One minute they are on daf yud baiz, amud alef, and the next minute
they are on the floor, committing Mishkav Zachor. And who can blame
them? I get excited by a gevaldik Toisfois myself!

The RI cites various Sukkois practices as proof for his position:

- We wave our phallic lulavim on the faces of all the other men,
boasting about how ours is the biggest in the shul;

- Alongside our lulav is our esroig, where the gemarrah tells us that
the more bulbous and full of veins, the better;

- We commit a sadomasochistic act with a handful of willow branches;

- We dance around the Toirah with other men, our fingers firmly
entwined with others’ hot, sweaty, hairy hands.

However, most Rishoinim disagree with the RI, referring to his rather
abrupt departure from his position as director of the all boys
Orthodox summer camp in Northern Lithuania (although they settled out
of Baiz Din, so no one can prove a damn thing).
The RIF points to the beauty of the Sukkah celebration as a unique
mitzvah within Yiddishkeit. Fresh fruit. The outdoors. Many Rishoinim
hold that you should live in the Sukkah for eights days. It says in
the Gemmarah that Rish Lakish would move into the Sukkah, and use it
as an excuse for not having to deal with his mother in law all week.
Rav Ashi, on the other hand, insisted that his mother in law sleep in
the Sukkah, and take one or two of the kids with her.

The Sukkah offers many opportunities to be Hiddur Mitzvah, to go
above and beyond the letter of the commandment. It is customary to
decorate the Sukkah with pictures and other decorations. (Vooz iz
givehn plastic fruit, anyway? I understand the Reform decorate their
Sukkahs with shrimp.)

According to Rabbeinu Tam, it is actually a Mitzvah Dioraisa to buy
Christmas decorations in January at fifty percent off, to be used in
decorating the Sukkah the following year: Flashing lights. Ornaments.
Candy canes. Indeed, one year the Vilna Goyn decorated his Sukkah
with a nativity scene he bought for six dollars.

There are other things that one can do with a Sukkah. A Braisah
brings down a story of Rabbi Elazar Ben Azariah, who, as a teenager,
had the roof removed from his family’s minivan so that he could drive
down to the beach and be mekayaim the mitzvois of pleasuring his
girlfriend and eating in the sukkah at the same time. What a tzaddik!

Yet the most beautiful element of Sukkois, and the aspect most
shrouded in mystery, is the mitzvah of esroig. I still can’t figure
it out. It looks like a lemon. It smells like a lemon. It even tastes
like a lemon. But it costs as much as heroin. How come it is easier
to buy fresh peaches from Antarctica than it is to buy an esroig at a
reasonable price?

And how many times in your life have you heard of esroig jelly. I bet
you have heard of it all your life, but have NEVER seen it. You know
why? Imagine this boast to your friends and neighbors: “I took 100
esroigim that last week retailed for a total of $5,000, mixed them up
with a little sugar and pectin, and now it’s worth about $1.50.”
Really impressive.

For this reason, I have a personal minhag. Two days before Sukkois, I
buy 5 pounds of lemons in the supermarket, take them home, and then
take a baseball bat to them. After about ten minutes of beating the
crap out of them, I have plenty esroigim for myself and the
kinderlach, and sell the remainder in the shul. With the extra money
I buy some cologne, so I can smell nice for my dancing partner on
Simchas Toirah night.

Ah Gutten Yuntif, you Minuval.
Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein
Rosheshiva
Yeshiva Chipas Emmess

=====
http://www.geocitie s.com/npoj8/ index.html
http://rabbi- pinky.blogspot. com/
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Yakov on Reishis COWni

Comment by Yakov on Reishis COWni

we’re here to die
never to cry ,never to cry,
in a life going well beyond the comfort zone
in a time of shattered meaning
gwbush preach wellbeing
to the planet iam twisted blue on the fringe the pain
yepa levvahem the not knowing the falling down again
the, oh god help me,
we,
us, trinity in blue,
hand outstreched upturned to you-
not there,
to me
not here,
we not there,
us
not able to bare
this little bit of hope falling
just beyond reach
-happy sukkos-happy ott-
his rebbes last words
“and we’ve learned nothing from the holocoust”
because the cost is beyond what i can pay for dear
i’m not here
we’re not here
us not there

let’s recruit this bitch

L.I. ‘NAZI’ GIRL IN BIAS-BASH BUSTA Long Island college student was busted for allegedly attacking three Orthodox Jewish girls, and breaking one of their noses, after proclaiming she’s an agnostic Nazi skinhead.

But the Hewlett teen’s dad is Jewish and she attended Yom Kippur services the night before…

continue at
The New York Post

LEAH LIVES!!!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Tzadik Nister…..Dear,

OK, so I’m not dead.
Craving still kicking ? HECK YEAH !!
Seeking attention ? FUCK NO !!
Think about it, if I wanted attention I would answer my phone, I would “let someone find me” I would do something for someone to stop me.
What is it that keeps me trucking ?
FEAR.
I am not scared to die, I want to die, I am scared of failing at death, i am scared that I will be the one who dives in front of the bright red number 3 and has her legs amputated, and damn it I got some hot legs.
I am the one who who drinks enough Lubavitch Prozac to kill a horse and chews enough Oxycontin between gulps to knock a whole
minyan out, then as I feel myself going into the black out realm I wander some train tracks and some how wake up needing two aspirin to kill the hangover ON A BENCH the next morning.

when I was a little kid Bais Rivka got shut down for two weeks because the boiler broke. During my two weeks free from Chanie Metzger and rabbi Newman I did what all little kids do. I built my perfect fantasy world with Leg go’s. I was the master, the King…. or queen, Na I was the King,I ruled it all I made everything happen when and how I wanted, I was GOD in my Leg go world , it was awesome, it was fun it was controlling…..IT WAS MINE.I was very young when i was GOD of my leg go world, but that was the first time that i had a new outlook on life and the world.

When I sat there above my Leg go kingdom and looked at my magnificent creation that I worked so hard on and had total control over , I thought to myself……Vayehi Ohr….and then there was light….for me at least, as GOD of the Leg go creation universe I
wondered???? I believe in GOD, 1000 % I have never doubted GOD….I felt like GOD.For the first time I saw a different side of GOD, I envisioned GOD sitting at a big beautiful cherry wood table playing with his magnificent Leg go creation. I imagined GOD having his favorite block head Leg go people, the crappy yellow room that lacks
punch, oomph and pride and the back room that he left mid production and was going to tear down.

Do I believe in GOD ??? 1000 % life after death ? Yeah, its just phase 2 of the game.I think GOD always was and always will be, we are his “children” his creation, he loves us….LIKE LEG GO’S. After he’s done with us we all go, to the same place, like it or not.There is no superman, super guy tough man stallion, who beat the odds, Moishe Rabenu kicked on for 120, he’s our star our hero our envy.

Human nature is to crave life and fear death, we believe in GOD The Bible/Torah, life after death because everything we do is a reaction and has a reaction, we dont do anything just cuz.We eat because we are hungry, shit because we got no choice, when you gotta go you gotta go ! and we reproduce because we starve for purpose and children give us that.

My children are my joy, my life, my reason, with out them i dunno where the fuck I would be, these are things we hear from everyone with kids, these are the things people with kids are “supposed” to say are programmed to say.

My kids are ass holes, my kids are killing me, my kids are a royal pain in the ass, i cant stand my kids,These are the things we only hear with a crooked smile a twinkle in the eye and an abundance of sarcasm in the voice. We have
to love our kids and we believe GOD feels that way about us.I want to die, i have so much to live for, what about my kids, Im so smart and beautiful, Im such a good friend, no one else can do
what i do BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA, LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA.

I dont want to commit suicide for attention, I dont tink any one ever does, killing your self for attention is stupid, your dead and cant even bask in the attention. Write a suicide letter for attention ?

No, not me, I know i have a 12 for a body and i can use that for attention and will get it, so much of it…. I failed again, obviously or i wouldnt be writing this.

I am happy, I am content, I am always smiling. I want to die, it is my craving, my addiction.I talked to Shtick Dreck Cali Yichus today, some girl called him and threw a bipolar fit about what not and some fucking thing about Im not buing you any clothes some other girl will take off you. A girl called Shtick Dreck Cali Yichus and bla bla bla about some pills or something because she was creeping 35, his heartfelt reaction, if you fucking do any thing so dumd Im gonna shove
my big cock………..She went for it, the other one went for his whacked out answer too, they wanna fuck him, go figure, I told him to do it and love it, get it the fuck over with, apparantly he has a “thing” for the crazy bitches, and then he dumps them because he craves the “normal” girls…He’s still single.

I want him to pick me up from rehab, Yeah Im checkin in, for my addiction, my craving my want for death.I’m goin out out to Cali to try and beat this shit outa me. I have never wanted to beat it outa myself, just give in, because it has so much strength. So why the fuck am I gonna check in and try ? Well….this is a new concept to me and i wanna be able to say I did it, Na just kidding.
I said it before, I am happy, content, satisfied, I really have no reason to die. I crave death. I am going to check in to see if i can beat my craving, if I can… GO ME !!! If I cant, well I tried….. I crave death, Tzadik Nister You gonna pick me up ?I can take fuck off if you shoot it at me.

leah kleim

Who is Raul Hilberg? Why does it matter?

Quoth Yakov:

…my main conjecture
that the cows as cows are falling down on the job
of reporting the real trends in jewish spirit.

tell me im wrong please.

im refering to two events that took place in august

the death of raul hilberg
and the defeat of norman finkelstein

these two events have far ranging consequences to our future
dismal as it may seem .

So, I read this, and asked myself: “Hey. Who’s Raul Hilberg?”

It’s an amazing story, and touches the heart of the Aminajihad controversy.

From Wikipedia

“Born in Vienna, Hilberg fled Austria, aged 13, with his family on April 1, 1939, a year after the Anschluss, for France…”

“He had intended to make a career in Chemistry, but found it did not suit him, and left his studies to work in a factory. He was then called up for the draft. He served first in the 45th Infantry Division (United States) in World War II, but, given his native fluency and academic interests, was soon attached to the War Documentation Department charged with examining archives throughout Europe.

“It was his discovery of part of Hitler’s crated private library in Munich… that prompted his research into the Holocaust, a term for the genocidal destruction of the Jews which Hilberg personally disliked, though in later years he himself used it. On returning to civilian life, he chose to study Political Science and took his B.A, at Brooklyn College (1948), where he was deeply impressed by the importance of elites and bureaucracies while following Hans Rosenberg’s lectures on the Prussian Civil Service. At one particular point in Rosenberg’s course, Hilberg was taken aback by a remark his teacher dropped.

‘The most wicked atrocities perpetrated on a civilian population in modern times occurred during the Napoleonic occupation of Spain.’

The young Hilberg was prompted to interrupt the lecture and ask why the recent murder of 6 million Jews didn’t figure. Rosenberg replied that it was a complicated matter, but that the lectures only dealt with history down to 1930. ‘History doesn’t reach down into the present age,’ Rosenberg added. Hilberg was amazed by the terrible oddness of a German Jewish emigrant, highly educated and by no means a fool, passing over the genocide of European Jews in order to expatiate on Napoleon and Spain. The episode served to strengthen his curiosity in a subject that, to gather from this example, risked suffering the pained disattentions of studious neglect.”

“Hilberg was undecided under whom he should carry out his doctoral research. Since he had also followed a course on International Law, he was also attracted to the lectures of Salo Baron, the most important authority on Jewish historiography at the time, with particular expertise in the field of laws pertaining to the Jewish people.

In Hilberg’s own words, to attend Baron’s lectures was to enjoy the rare opportunity of observing ‘a walking library, a monument of incredible erudition’ active before his student class.

Baron asked Hilberg whether he was interested in working under him on the annihilation of Europe’s Jewish population.

Hilberg demurred
on the grounds that his interests lay in the perpetrators,
and thus he could not begin with the Jews who were their victims,
but rather with what was done to them.

He thus decided to write the greater part of his Ph.D. under the supervision of Franz Neumann, the author of an influential wartime analysis of the German totalitarian state. Neumann was initially reluctant to take Hilberg on as his doctoral student. He had already read Hilberg’s Master’s thesis, and found, as a deeply patriotic German, and a Jew, that certain themes sketched there were unbearably painful.

In particular he had asked that the section of Jewish cooperation be removed,
to no avail. Neumann nonetheless relented, warning his student however that such a dissertation might well prove to be his academic funeral. Undeterred by the prospect, Hilberg pressed on regardless of consequences.”

What did he find? to be continued—
–yo

CHANGE THE WORLD

Do you want a XO laptop for Christmas? Clock-stopping hot educational technology for your children, here in America? Then you’re gonna love this: as OLPC News predicted, Nichols Negroponte has modified his XO sales plan for One Laptop Per Child as government orders failed to materialize and the XO price rose.

OLPC has just launched OLPC USA: XO-1 laptop sales at $400 per computer in a “Give 1 Get 1″ program:

Starting November 12, One Laptop Per Child will be offering a Give 1 Get 1 Program for a brief window of time. For $399, you will be purchasing two XO laptops – one that will be sent to empower a child to learn in a developing nation, and one that will be sent to your child at home.

But you better sign up quick. XO-1 computer orders only be accepted for two weeks, November 12 to November 26, with delivery promised in time for One Laptop Per Christmas Tree.

NEO-SABATEAN QUOTES OF THE DAY FROM BEATRICE

Her name is Florida Scott-Maxwell:

“I wonder why love is so often equated with joy when it is everything else as well. Devastation, balm, obsession, granting and receiving excessive value, and losing it again. It is recognition, often of what you are not, but might be. It sears and it heals. It is beyond pity and above law. It can seem like truth. But what is truth? Oh this mysterious world in which we know nothing, nothing.”

“Life does not accommodate you, it shatters you. It is meant to, and it couldn’t do it better. Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition.”

The Price is Wrong

There are some things that just shouldn’t be done.

Milli Vanilli reunion tours. Guantanamo commemorative snap bracelets. “Concentration Camp” Lego sets.

And, if you’re Giuliani, having a “$9.11 for Rudy” fundraiser where you charge a minimum campaign donation of $9.11. The AP brings us the story that makes even the most avid fan of merchandising and materialism come to the verge of gagging:

The International Association of Fire Fighters accused Republican Rudy Giuliani of exploiting the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks because a supporter is holding a $9.11-per-person fundraiser for the presidential candidate.

The union — already a vocal critic of Giuliani’s — said Tuesday that the fundraiser’s “$9.11 for Rudy” theme is an abuse of the image and symbols of the 2001 attacks.

“It is nothing short of disrespectful to the legacy of the thousands of civilians and 343 brave firefighters who died at ground zero,” IAFF president Harold Schaitberger said.

The event was scheduled to take place tomorrow at the home of a Giuliani supporter in California, but the Giuliani campaign is distancing itself from the event. Giuliani campaign officials say that they had nothing to do with the event, but the event’s host said that all “$9.11″ event planning was checked out with the Giuliani campaign HQ.

Using the September 11th tragedy like this is horrible. Covering-up such use of September 11th for commercial gain is likewise deplorable. Who brands themselves exclusively with a day of national tragedy? Is this really his only selling point?

So much for “America’s Mayor”.

(crossposted to Jewlicious by Y-LOVE)

have you been arrested yet?

Marijuana Arrests For Year 2006 – 829,625 Tops Record High…Nearly 15 Percent Increase Over 2005

Police arrested a record 829,625 persons for marijuana violations in 2006, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s annual Uniform Crime Report, released today. This is the largest total number of annual arrests for pot ever recorded by the FBI. Marijuana arrests now comprise nearly 44 percent of all drug arrests in the United States.

“These numbers belie the myth that police do not target and arrest minor marijuana offenders,” said NORML Executive Director Allen St. Pierre, who noted that at current rates, a marijuana smoker is arrested every 38 seconds in America. “This effort is a tremendous waste of criminal justice resources that diverts law enforcement personnel away from focusing on serious and violent crime.”

Of those charged with marijuana violations, approximately 89 percent some 738,915 Americans were charged with possession only. The remaining 90,710 individuals were charged with “sale/manufacture,” a category that includes all cultivation offenses even those where the marijuana was being grown for personal or medical use. In past years, roughly 30 percent of those arrested were age 19 or younger.

-norml

breakaway cows form own egalitarian minyan, break ties with kosher cows

They could have at least told us, but that is how the mod-orthos work, especially the ones affiliated with Downtown Manhattan and that cultural desert known as Williamsburg.

So there were two Yom Kippur Minyanim. One at Anshai Coney in Midwood and one in a dimly lit basement, without food and water. But they sat together. Men and women. Yippeefuckingdoo.

Just next time tell us before, so we can know that you will not come and eat our food, thankfully.

-Anshai Coney Beadle

Netiquette

I just deleted ten posts from the same idiot. If you have something to say, find the appropriate place and say it once. DON’T double post it to every thread on our blog.

-mohammed